


I'll Be Home (For Christmas)

by notcrypticbutcoy



Series: All I Want For Christmas Is You [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Malec, Mutual Pining, Soldier!Alec, doctor!alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 13:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9126190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notcrypticbutcoy/pseuds/notcrypticbutcoy
Summary: The universe had really come through with this fine specimen of a man. It would be a horrible, cruel cosmic joke from the universe if she revealed that he was straight. Or taken. Or both. Magnus would probably sell his soul to get a kiss from him.***In which Alec is a soldier struggling with himself, Magnus is a student who adores Isabelle Lightwood's Christmas parties, and Christmas kisses don't always have to be under the mistletoe.





	

**Author's Note:**

> To Malteser24 - Merry Christmas, darling -- and happy New Year. Here's to another great year of friendship.
> 
> This one is for those who, for any reason, do not have their loved ones with them this holiday season.
> 
> This one is especially for those whose loved ones are away fighting the good fight, and keeping the world safe. Those people are made of the great stuff, and I salute you all.
> 
> I swear, this was supposed to be 3000 words. Oops. Hence why it's really late. I'm sorry.
> 
> Also, I made a playlist! Woo! Feel free to listen: [Listen](https://open.spotify.com/user/vulturemonem/playlist/0UeuG7dPVodZCYhzsDpyWg)

10.

"Magnus!"

Magnus was wrapped in a hug the moment he walked into the mansion in which Isabelle Lightwood was holding her annual Christmas party. He laughed, hugging her back, and held up a bottle of wine when they parted.

"Merry Christmas," he said.

"Ooh!" Her eyes lit up at the promise of expensive wine over a delicious lunch, and she reached out to take it from him with red nails painted with delicate little snowflakes. She kissed his cheek. "Thank you. Now, come in, and meet the rest of us crazies."

Magnus wasn't really in the habit of going to parties on Christmas Day. He'd just turned twenty, and was in his second year at university, attempting to muddle his way through a business major while much preferring his fashion minor, which was how he'd met Isabelle Lightwood—they were in the same math class, and she constantly outshone everyone else in the room. Parties were what he attended on Friday nights. And Saturday nights. And often Tuesday and Thursday nights.

Christmas, he usually spent with his best friends. This year, however, their plans had fallen through, and Magnus had found himself desperately alone, likely to spend the day with his cat. Until Isabelle had invited him to her parents' house, where she was throwing a Christmas party for her family and friends.

The house, when he stepped in, seemed even more enormous inside than it did from the snow-covered driveway. Christmas decorations hung from the elegant spiral staircase and at intervals along the ceiling, sprees of holly tacked to the corners of picture frames, and Magnus could make out no less than three different Christmas trees in different rooms.

George Michael's voice floated out from speakers as Isabelle led him through the hallway and into the kitchen, where, she told him, her siblings and friends would be—the _bigoted_   _old people_ would be reclining with mulled wine in the living room. Her words, not his.

"Not a good relationship with your parents?" he asked her, because he was curious by nature, despite how often it got him into trouble.

Isabelle snorted, hooking her arm through his. "No, not really. My little brother died when I was sixteen. I haven't really _had_ a relationship with them since." She glanced at him. "What about you?"

Magnus smiled a little. "My parents are both dead. I grew up in foster care."

Isabelle blinked. "Oh," was all she said. She snagged a glass of eggnog from a long table stuffed with glasses and bottles of various drinks, and said, "Well, here's to lacking parental figures."

He clinked glasses with her, and they both tipped their drinks back, smacking their glasses down on the table. They exchanged grins. Oh, he _liked_ Isabelle.

"Come meet the others," she said, pulling him towards a group of people around his own age, all howling with laughter as a blonde guy with upsettingly nice shoulders and a terrible taste in jeans was chugging down a pint glass of beer.

"Oi!" she shouted at her friends. "Guys, this is Magnus."

Magnus smiled, and waved a hand lazily at them. Hm. Pity. None of them caught his attention. And he'd so hoped to at least get a Christmas kiss, from this party. He'd been single for the last year, and it was getting very dull.

"This is Jace, my brother," Isabelle said, pointing to the blonde boy; the grin he shot Magnus had more arrogance than Tom Cruise's whole body, which was really some feat. "Clary, who's dating that ass," Isabelle continued, pointing to a tiny red-head with paint-splattered hands. "Lydia, my lovely girlfriend. Simon, who's dated...everyone here? Except Lydia?" Isabelle quirked an eyebrow at a brown-haired boy with terrible glasses and a Christmas jumper that made some Star Wars joke that Magnus was loathe to admit he understood.

"He didn't date me," Jace said, already picking up another cup, this one filled with eggnog, rather than beer."

Everyone there snorted. Magnus raised his eyebrows, and Simon flushed.

"Straight boys can hook up with boys a few times and still be straight, Jace," Clary said soothingly, mirth in her eyes. "Sexual conduct is different to sexual orientation, remember? It's okay. We all know how absolutely heterosexual you are."

Jace scowled at her. "I'm breaking up with you."

"Can you wait until after Christmas, so I don't waste my money on your present?"

Jace pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Alright. Deal."

Magnus' eyes had landed on the last member of the assembled group of tipsy young adults, and his eyebrows shot up.

"What happened to _important business_ , Santiago?" he demanded. "Looks more like frolicking with the bae, to me."

Raphael rolled his eyes. " _Dios_ , Magnus, I didn't know Ragnor and Catarina would bail on you too."

Magnus huffed at him. Honestly. Why did he have such horrible friends who betrayed him in such a heinous fashion? It really wasn't fair. Were Ragnor and Catarina out at parties, too? That would probably be a bit of a stretch, he supposed, as they both made various noises of disapproval that bordered on revulsion at the mere mention of a party.

"Detective Garroway! Alec!" Isabelle called suddenly, waving across to the doorway. "Merry Christmas, Detective! Alec, come over here!"

Magnus turned to glance over his shoulder, following her gaze. His eyes landed first on an incredibly tall, buff man who was probably in his forties, a gentle smile on his face as he spoke, picking up a glass of wine.

Then he saw the man beside him.

 _Shit_.

There was Magnus' Christmas kiss. Goddamn sweet mother of jesus, who the hell had he pleased in the last year to be permitted to gaze upon something so utterly, perfectly fuckable? The guy was _gorgeous_.

Magnus couldn't stop staring at him as he walked - clearly reluctantly - across to Isabelle. The shock of messy black hair made Magnus think that this was probably Isabelle's other brother. He was tall, Magnus realised, as he got closer, but he slouched, shoulders hunching in on himself as though he didn't really want to be seen. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans - which Magnus thought he just might have pulled from a dumpster - and hazel eyes scowled at the world.

Magnus was endeared. _Hello, handsome_.

 _Is he gay?_ Magnus wondered. _Or bisexual? Or pansexual? Or in any way attracted to men? God, please don't let him be straight. Please._

The universe had really come through with this fine specimen of a man. It would be a horrible, cruel cosmic joke from the universe if she revealed that he was straight. Or taken. Or both. Magnus would probably sell his soul to get a kiss from him.

"Magnus," Isabelle said, grabbing Tall Dark and Handsome by the arm and hugging him close, "this is my other brother, Alec. Alec, this is Magnus Bane. Do you remember I told you about him?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "I remember, Iz."

"Nice things, I hope?" Magnus inquired, smiling.

"About your make-up, mostly," Alec said, glancing over at Magnus. "Hi."

Magnus let his smile widen, and he swayed his shoulders flirtatiously. "Hi."

Alec flushed, and looked away, eyes latching onto Jace as the blonde boy began to tell some ridiculous story.

Magnus grinned to himself. Definitely not straight.

***

9.

Magnus Bane absolutely considered himself a party animal.

Isabelle Lightwood, though, gave him a run for his money.

At least his Christmas plans, this year, had been successful. Nobody had cancelled on him, although Raphael had spent the entire day texting Simon furiously, uncaring of Ragnor and Magnus' snide comments.

A Lightwood New Year's party was considerably louder and more drunken than the previous year's Christmas party, and, quite frankly, Magnus was devastated that he'd missed out on them for so long. He'd have to help Isabelle next year. Together, they would throw the most phenomenal, unforgettable party ever.

It was possible that he was slightly drunk. Possibly.

He walked out of the kitchen, champagne in hand, heading outside where they were all planning on watching the fireworks. He passed by the living room, and couldn't help glancing in to see if Isabelle's beautiful brother was anywhere to be seen.

Magnus had met Alec twice, briefly, since last year's Christmas party. They hadn't really talked. He'd ascertained that Alec's full name was Alexander, that he was two years older than Isabelle, and that he was painfully shy and incredibly introverted, but, beyond that, Magnus knew very little.

He couldn't help but be a little bit fascinated by the mysterious eldest Lightwood sibling.

An incredibly tall figure stood by the wall in the living room, catching Magnus' attention immediately. God, how could a human being be that pretty? It was so unfair. It was a wonder Alexander didn't capture the attention of everyone in the room.

"We understand," Maryse Lightwood was saying, drawing Magnus' notice to her and her husband, snapping him out of his blatant staring. "We just don't like it."

"You don't have to like it," Alec snapped. "I don't care. Just stop bringing it up at every opportunity as though you hope the answer is going to change. It's not. This is not some teenage rebellion. I'm not a teenager anymore, Mom. I'm twenty-there."

Maryse pursed her lips, and Magnus parted his, wondering what on earth they were talking about. Alexander seemed like the law-abiding sort. Isabelle had always painted Jace as their parents' favourite, and Alec as the safe, responsible one. Magnus couldn't imagine what would bring about that kind of disapproving look of mild disgust on Maryse's face.

"We just don't understand, son," Robert said. "And we're not sure you do, either."

Alec rolled his eyes. "You either understand or you don't. Make your minds up. It's really not that complicated."

"It's wrong," Maryse insisted, taking a half step closer to her son, eyes narrowing. She jabbed a finger at him. "It's wrong, and you know it. I don't know what's brought this on, but—"

"Excuse me," Alec interrupted, and, before Magnus' astounded eyes, shoved past his parents and stalked out of the house, ignoring Isabelle calling his name. He slammed the front door behind him, making the glass in the top panes rattle precariously.

Magnus palmed his drink contemplatively, gazing out towards where Alexander had disappeared. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that Isabelle was in the process of ushering everyone out of the back door, so they were in the right direction to watch the fireworks that were being set off on one of the nearby riverbanks.

After a moment, Magnus turned, snatched up another mug of mulled wine, and strode out the front door, slipping it shut behind him quietly.

It was cold out, his breath condensing in the frigid air in front of him. The pathway had been cleared, but already covered with a few millimetres of snow, flakes swirling in the sky around him. He shivered, and balanced the mugs in one hand so he could zip up his jacket and burrow his face into his scarf.

Up ahead, he could see Alexander sitting on a low brick wall underneath the glow of a streetlight, without a coat on, hands clenched into fists on his knees while he stared resolutely ahead. Magnus approached slowly.

"Hey," he said, softly.

Alec jumped, and looked behind, where Magnus stood, boots crunching against the thin layer of snow. "Oh. Hey."

"Can I sit?" Magnus asked, indicating the wall. "I brought you mulled wine."

"Sure." Alec smiled a tiny, tiny little smile when Magnus handed him a mug, and wrapped his hands around it. "Thanks."

They were quiet for a moment, just watching the snow, before Magnus' curiosity got the better of him. That, and he'd always been incapable of seeing a cute boy upset.

"Are you alright, Alexander?"

Alec jerked his head in a terribly unconvincing nod. "I know you saw some of that. I'm used to it. It happens every time I see my parents. Which is why I don't see them very often."

"I can't imagine what you've done. They sounded like you'd murdered their puppy."

Alec let out a laugh, and Magnus' heart stuttered. He'd never heard Alec laugh. And it was...just as beautiful as the rest of him.

God, Magnus needed to pull himself together.

"I've fancied boys, that's what I've done," Alec told him. "I'm gay. They don't like it very much."

It was probably an awful moment for Magnus to feel so ecstatic. Not at Alec's misfortunes with his parents, of course, but at the knowledge that Alec was attracted to men. That was fabulous news.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said, managing to reign in his inappropriate feelings. And he was sorry. Nobody deserved to have their parents snap at them and alienate them for their sexuality.

Alec shrugged. "It's okay. My siblings and friends are all supportive."

Noise was building in the Lightwoods' back garden; Magnus could hear shouting and cheering, and a glance at his phone told him that there were five minutes until the New Year officially began. He nudged Alec gently with his shoulder.

"Do you want to head out back? We've got five minutes."

Alec shook his head. "No. I'm just going to stay here."

Magnus looked at him for a moment, while Alec kept staring ahead, and up at the stars glittering above them. "Alright."

"You can go. Don't feel obliged to stay."

Magnus smiled at him. "I feel no obligation whatsoever."

Alec looked at him. Magnus smiled. Tentatively, Alec smiled back.

"What do you hope for, for this year?" Magnus asked him, as they both returned their attention to the stars.

Alec made a thoughtful humming sound. "I'd like my siblings to be happy. They've both suffered tough love with my parents this year, and they both had relationship problems. I thought Jace and Clary were going to break up, last month." Alec shook his head. "And it'll be five years since my little brother died, this year. So I—" Alec sucked in a deep breath, and then let it out in a whoosh. "I want my family to get through it without falling apart even more than we already have."

Magnus couldn't care less about stars. He couldn't stop gazing at Alec as he spoke, utterly incredulous about how someone could be so selfless. And it didn't seem to be an act. It didn't seem to be said in an attempt to impress Magnus. It sounded honest, and heartfelt, and Magnus really, really wanted to kiss this man.

Maybe he should get to know him better, first, though.

And, by god, did he want to.

"What about you?" Alec asked, turning his head to look at Magnus again, for a brief moment. His cheeks were red, and Magnus wasn't sure whether it was from cold or from embarrassment. "What do you want?"

"Love," Magnus said, simply. "That sounds ridiculous, compared to what you said, but..." He shrugged. "I grew up in foster care. I was lucky enough to find myself best friends who've become close enough to be family. And I'm good. My life is good, at the moment. I just...want someone to share it with."

Alec smiled a little. "I think that's a perfectly normal thing to want. It doesn't sound ridiculous at all."

A ruckus was building behind the house, and the livestream of Times Square that Magnus had playing on mute on his phone showed a countdown beginning. He set it on his thigh, and they both looked down at it.

A scream of 'Happy New Year!' rang out in the back garden; Magnus and Alec smiled at each other.

"Happy New Year, Alexander," Magnus said.

"Happy New Year, Magnus."

***

8.

"You know what I don't get?" Alec asked, tossing popcorn in his mouth as he and Magnus sprawled out on a couch in Magnus' apartment, three months into the new year, the rest of the Lightwood siblings and their significant others, plus Simon and Raphael, also present.

"What?" Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him.

"How come it takes Harry a year to destroy five horcruxes, but it took Dumbledore decades to destroy two? And he only actually destroyed one himself."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Shush. Stop ruining the movie."

"I'm serious!" Alec sat up, and turned to face him. "It doesn't make sense! Dumbledore is supposed to be the greatest wizard ever, pretty much! Harry's a seventeen-year-old who's pretty good at some things, and pretty crap at others."

"Suspend your disbelief. It's a better story like this."

"But—"

Magnus whacked him in the face with a pillow. "Shut _up_ , Alexander," he said, with a laugh. "Enough of your nitpicking."

Alec grabbed the pillow, trying to wrench it from Magnus' hands, but Magnus refused to let go.

"Give me the pillow, Bane," he said, eyes flashing.

"Never!"

"Magnus Bane, I swear..."

Jace made a gagging noise. "Will you two get a room?"

Alec and Magnus exchanged a look, and, simultaneously, tossed the pillow at Jace.

Jace spluttered as it smacked him in the face, and fell into his lap with a gentle thump. "That is so unfair!"

Alec held up his hand for a high five, and Magnus whooped as they clapped hands.

"Alright, now shut up and watch," Isabelle said, surfacing from where she and Lydia had been drowning in a lip-lock for the last twenty minutes.

If Alec fell asleep on Magnus' shoulder halfway through, and if it made Magnus' heart do a lurch, and then somersault over and over for at least ten minutes, the only person who'd ever know would be him.

At least, that was what he hoped.

***

7.

Magnus would be lying if he were to say that he didn't have a crush on Alexander Lightwood. He did. He most definitely did. And he just wanted a sign - any, tiny sign - that Alec might like him, too. Because he really didn't want to make a move when he was fairly convinced that Alec felt nothing but friendship for him.

There was the blushing. But even the blushing was rarer, now, and usually only occurred when Magnus was being particularly shameless in his flirting—which Alec seemed to consider a joke, rather than a serious ploy to get a date, and a kiss, and maybe a grope of that lovely ass.

(Not that Magnus only wanted to get into Alexander's pants. He did - he wasn't going to deny it, because he had eyes, and was into men, and Alec was gorgeous - but he also wanted to date him. He wanted to take him out for coffee, and hold his hand, and cuddle with him, and be allowed to kiss his cheek when he teased him, and delight in every blush he managed to evoke.)

As he stared across the room to where Alec and Jace were wrestling on Isabelle and Lydia's sofa, laughing and shouting at each other, grins spread across their faces like they were twelve years old, not in their twenties, Magnus couldn't help but feel a little wistful. He didn't really see Alec very often. He saw him regularly, every fortnight when they all met for their now-traditional movie nights, but it wasn't enough. It didn't feel enough. They were both busy - Magnus with his degrees, and Alec with his plethora of part-time jobs to fund his medical degree - and time was hard to come by. Magnus just wanted to spend more of what time he did have with Alexander.

He always felt embarrassingly happy when he got a text from Alec. Which was, quite frankly, pathetic. Especially when he had the most gorgeous woman in the city trying to get a date with him.

Camille was...

Well. Camille was awful, which was why Magnus kept declining her requests. But she was also incredibly persistent, and incredibly beautiful. People kept telling him he was being ridiculous for saying no. But every time he thought about saying yes, Alexander's face appeared in his mind.

"I don't suppose Alec's told you," Isabelle said, waltzing back in from where she'd been making coffee in the kitchen.

Magnus took his coffee with thanks, and raised his eyebrows when she sat down. "Told me what? Has he got a boyfriend?"

Isabelle snorted into her drink. "Alec, a boyfriend? No, Magnus, he doesn't have a boyfriend."

Magnus shrugged. "Why is that so ridiculous? He's very attractive, objectively speaking. And he's lovely."

"Of course he's attractive. He's my brother. He's just..." She hesitated. "Picky, about dating."

Magnus quirked an eyebrow. "Has he ever dated?"

"Once. When he was nineteen. Guy was an asshole. Forget it. But he–" Isabelle looked over at her brother, and sighed. "He's being deployed. Goes off next week, to Japan."

Magnus had to clamp a hand over his mouth to prevent himself spitting out his coffee. He swallowed the wrong way, and choked for several seconds, drawing the attention of Jace and Alec.

What the fuck? Was Isabelle being serious? Alec was being _deployed_? That meant he was in the army. He was a medical student, he worked in a fucking café, he walked old lady's dogs on Sundays. He wasn't in the army. What the hell was going on?

"Izzy, what have you done to Magnus?" came Alec's voice from across the room, indignant and beautiful, that gentle-but-firm voice of a _doctor_ , not a soldier.

"He's fine," Isabelle said.

She didn't sound amused, like Magnus might have expected her to. He had a feeling he knew why. Alexander was being deployed. To Japan. Where there would be potential danger. Potential _fatal_ danger.

"Do you need saving?" Alec asked, raising his eyebrows, concern etched across his beautiful face in the form of creases along his brow.

"I'm fine, darling," Magnus managed to gasp out. "Perfectly fine."

That seemed to appease Alec, and he went back to fucking around with Jace, while Magnus gaped at Isabelle.

"Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately." Isabelle looked grim; she rubbed her forefinger and thumb together, and pursed her lips.

"Your brother is a solider?" Magnus demanded, hissing, voice too low for Alec and Jace to hear—he hoped. "Why didn't I know this?"

Isabelle blinked at him. "You didn't know? Alec never told you?"

"Evidently."

"Oh." Isabelle frowned over at her brother. "Yeah. He's four years into his service. Nearly five. This is the second time he's been deployed. Last time was only for two weeks, but this is...months." She exhaled.

"Why?" Magnus couldn't comprehend why on earth Alexander would join the army when he wanted to be a doctor. "Why on earth did he join the army? If he's four years in, he was, what, nineteen, when he joined?"

Isabelle sighed. "He was desperate. Our parents...they've always hated it. Him being gay. God, he came out when he was seventeen, but they still think it's a phase, or rebellion, or some shit. Our parents both served six years each in the military. I think Alec was - is - under the impression that it might make them proud of him again."

Magnus looked over at Alec, who looked so happy, now, playing around with his brother, and felt sorrow fill him. Alec had to be hurting. So, so much. And yet he never talked about it. Any of it. He never talked to his siblings about it, Magnus knew, and he never talked to his friends about it. He pushed his fraught relationship with his parents under the carpet, and acted like nothing was hurting him.

"That's so sad," Magnus murmured, shocked to find tears stinging in his eyes. He hardly ever cried. "That's awful. He— God."

Isabelle nodded, following Magnus' gaze to watch her brother. "I know." She reached out and squeezed Magnus' hand. "He does care about you, Magnus, and my brother doesn't care about people very easily. I hope you know that."

Magnus hadn't. Not really. He'd realised, of course, that Alec wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy, but not that Alec cared about him especially more than he cared about other casual friends. Certainly, he hadn't realised Alec cared enough for his sister to say that in such a painfully sincere manner.

***

6.

Alec was in Japan for two and a half months.

By the time Christmas rolled around again, Magnus had spoken to Alec only once, on a blurry, pixellated computer screen in Isabelle's apartment, since he'd been away. It was torturous. It was also exceptionally eye-opening—to the fact that Magnus was enamoured, and falling, and in very real danger of crashing into a broken heap at Alexander's feet.

And Magnus missed him. A lot.

The Lightwood Christmas party, this time around, was really a Lightwood-Bane Christmas party, and Magnus was pleasantly certain that Maryse and Robert detested his involvement. They certainty despised him, with his make-up and highlighted hair and fabulous fashion.

Magnus didn't care. He didn't have any time for bigots. He certainly didn't have any time for people who treated their own son the way Maryse and Robert treated Alec. It made him want to throttle them every time he thought about it.

A hand rested on his shoulder as he chatted to Ragnor and Catarina, whom he'd persuaded to come, this year. Neither were especially impressed by the number of people, but both had concluded that it was more tolerable than when Magnus threw parties on his own—owing to Magnus having to tone things down, due to the number of stuck-up middle-aged morons that attended.

"Sorry to interrupt," Jace said, smiling pleasantly at Ragnor and Cat. "Alec's here, Magnus. I thought you might like to know. He just came in."

Magnus whipped his head round to stare at Jace, heart thudding in anticipation. "Really?"

"Mmhm." Jace looked amused. "You know you spoke to him on Skype three weeks ago, right? He was only out to buy tinsel for Izzy. And he's been home for the last week, so why haven't you seen him?"

"Our schedules have not coincided," Magnus told him, waving a hand dismissively. "And it was three and a half weeks, Wayland."

Jace smirked at him. "He's in the hallway."

Magnus didn't even bother saying goodbye to Catarina and Ragnor. He was too desperate to see Alexander. He didn't care that he'd never hear the end of this from Ragnor, as he strode quickly out of the kitchen and into the hallway. He hadn't seen Alec for months, and god, he'd missed him. So much it hurt, a physical ache in his chest that sharpened into a prominent pain every time he paid the matter more than a moment's attention.

The man himself stood at the end of the hallway, right by the front door, and was in the process of shucking off his boots. His hair was messy, ruined by the vicious wind blowing outside, his cheeks tinted pink from the cold. He was dressed in dark jeans that hugged his ass and thighs (so clearly he'd been forced into them by Isabelle), and wore an awful, awful Christmas sweater with white silhouettes of reindeer and snowflakes on the knitted blue. It was horribly adorable.

Magnus' heart fluttered at the sight. Alec was here. Right here. In touching distance, after so many months. He'd been worried, constantly, that the next time he saw Isabelle, she'd be in tears, and say that something had happened to Alec, when he was on a mission. Hearing that he'd landed back in New York, alive and well, six days ago, had made something turbulent inside Magnus rest.

And now, to see the physical evidence of it...

Fuck, he was so gone for this man. Distance clearly did make the heart grow fonder—even though his heart had been very fond of Alexander already.

He pushed through all the people. Most of them were at least twenty years older than him and incredibly dull, except Detective Garroway, Clary's adoptive father and Jace's boss, whom Magnus flashed a smile at.

"Alexander!" he called out.

Alec glanced up, and his eyes landed on Magnus. A smile stretched across his face, small and private and beautiful, and his expression softened as he took Magnus in. (Magnus had dressed to impress, in a shimmering silver top, black skinny jeans, and a burgundy blazer, with the tips of his hair dyed blonde.)

Alec opened his mouth to speak as Magnus drew nearer; Magnus' heart hammered against his ribcage, blood thrumming so loudly he couldn't hear a word being said by people milling around nearby.

Before his brain could catch up with his body's reflexive intentions, Magnus was a mere few steps away, and then he was throwing himself unceremoniously into Alec's arms.

"Whoa." Alec let out a little laugh, but caught Magnus, and wrapped his arms tightly around his waist. "Hello to you, too."

Magnus pulled back - regretfully - lowered himself down off the balls of his feet, and smiled broadly. "Hello, Alexander."

Alec huffed out a laugh. "You're acting like you haven't seen me for years."

"More than two months is entirely too long to go without seeing your lovely face, darling," Magnus told him.

"Take a picture," Alec suggested, teasingly. "Besides, you did see my face. A few weeks ago."

Magnus was quite certain that, under normal circumstances, he'd be able to come up with a witty response to that, but Alec was gazing at him, eyes trained right on his face, not so much as flickering away, and Magnus could barely breathe.

"I missed you," was all he could find to say.

Alec's expression softened. "I missed you, too."

They stared at each other. It could have been seconds or minutes that they stood there for, Magnus had no idea. He wanted to hug Alec again. Hug him, kiss his cheek, kiss his lips, run fingers through his hair—

"Magnus! Alec!" Isabelle's voice broke them from their trance, and they both looked up. "Come dance!"

Alec rolled his eyes. "When do I ever dance?"

"Don't be a Scrooge, Alec, dance! Magnus, get your ass over here, it's your party!"

Isabelle looked fabulous in a tight crimson dress threaded with silver, which caught the light every time she moved her hips where she stood in the small area they'd cleared away for people to dance in. Modest, appropriate kind of dancing, of course, not club dancing—although Magnus really, really wanted to grab someone (Alexander) and grind up against them like he would if he were dancing in a club, just to give all the stuck-up bigots around him a heart attack.

Magnus glanced back at Alec, who sighed, shaking his head. He had a smile on his lips, as he watched Isabelle turn her attention to Lydia, and succeeded in beckoning her girlfriend over so they could dance - in a very classy manner, with minimal bodily contact - to Wham!'s _Last Christmas._

"She tells me it's urgent that I bring tinsel," Alec said, "and she just wants to dance with Lydia. Honestly."

Magnus let out a laugh. "I'm sure she'll come to claim it soon."

"Hm."

Alec's attention was captured by something over Magnus' shoulder; he turned, and saw Maryse conversing with three other women, two of her age and one considerably older. They all looked far too serious for a Christmas party, and—

Oh. They all kept sneaking glances at Alec.

Magnus had a feeling he knew exactly what they were talking about. He had a feeling that Alec was equally aware, equally unimpressed, and, probably, a lot more upset that his stoic expression suggested.

"Fuck this," Alec muttered, under his breath, and, without any warning, grabbed Magnus' hand and dragged him unceremoniously over to the dance floor.

Magnus stumbled at the abrupt and unexpected movement, praising his ability to walk in anything, including a pair of clunky heeled boots. Alec looked over at him, and shot him an apologetic smile that had Magnus' insides melting.

As Alec reached the dance floor, and spun him around so they were facing each other, Magnus felt like he had whiplash. Not sixty seconds ago, Alec had been insisting that he didn't dance, and now, he was pulling Magnus over for a dance?

Alec wanted to dance, and with him?

Alec kept hold of Magnus' hand, and slipped his other hand onto his waist. He bit his lips, and lifted his eyes, looking at Magnus from under his lashes.

"Is this okay?" he asked. "I'm sorry for grabbing you. I'm just so sick of the constant talk about the gender of who I want to date."

"And your solution to this was to dance?" Magnus asked, raising his eyebrows, not because he minded, but because it seemed an interestingly bizarre leap. He let his hand rest on Alec's shoulder, and tried to appear unaffected as the song changed to John Lennon, and they began to move a little.

"To dance with a man," Alec corrected him. He glanced down at his feet. "Sorry. I'm not... I'm not great at dancing."

"What are you talking about?" Magnus demanded, as they turned. "You're doing fine."

"Yeah?" Alec asked, looking a little bit pleased.

Magnus nodded, shooting Maryse a smirk over Alec's shoulder. "Yeah."

They didn't dance for long. They made it through another three songs, before Alec got bored, and Isabelle snatched Magnus away to dance with him, and then Clary, and then Lydia, and by the time Magnus was done, he went immediately over to get himself a drink, and then sought out Alec.

Alec was with Jace, the two of them sitting on the kitchen counter, laughing. Magnus paused in the doorway, uncertain of his welcome and unwilling to interrupt the brothers: Alec and Jace were exceptionally close, he knew, and he didn't wish to intrude.

But Alec glanced up, and spotted him by the doorway, and said, "Magnus!" in such a pleased tone of voice, and Jace grinned into his beer, and Magnus could do nothing to calm his racing heart as he crossed the floor to join them.

"I didn't say, earlier," Alec said, when Magnus situated himself beside Alec on the countertop. "Merry Christmas, Magnus."

Magnus smiled at him. "Merry Christmas, Alexander. And welcome home."

Alec's lips stretched up. "Thank you." He cleared his throat. "You, uhm, you look nice, tonight."

Magnus paused, wine halfway to his mouth, and blinked. Was Alexander trying to flirt with him? Or was Magnus merely imagining things he desperately wanted to be true?

"Thank you," he said, managing to force the words out without revealing his chaotic thoughts. And then, stupidly, he continued, "But don't I look nice every night?"

Alec choked on his drink, immediately flushing bright red. Magnus felt bad.

"Yes, I– I didn't mean– I meant– Of course you—"

"I was teasing you, darling." Magnus rested a hand over Alec's.

For a long moment, Alec stared down at Magnus' hand, skin dark in comparison to his own, fingernails painted dark red to match his blazer, rings glinting on his fingers. Then Alec lifted his gaze, and stared at Magnus' face.

Jace groaned, loudly, and slammed his head against a cupboard, snapping both of them out of their trance.

"Will you two please, please get a room?" He shuddered. "This is nauseating."

Alec and Magnus snatched their hands back simultaneously. Jace groaned again.

"For god's sake," he said, clearly exasperated. "You're pathetic, both of you."

***

5.

"I'm so fucking done with this," Isabelle hissed, gripping Magnus' arm tightly as they, as well as Lydia and Clary, watched Maryse lay into Alec. They all knew what she was talking about, even though none of them could hear her.

It was New Year's. Alec had come home from deployment a week before Christmas. Couldn't Maryse leave him alone, ever? Was she still pissed that he'd danced with Magnus at Christmas?

Alec flinched, visibly, at something his mother said to him, and Magnus felt rage spread through him. Alexander was the most incredibly person Magnus had ever met. He was kind, he was amusing, he was incredibly strong-willed and outrageously selfless, and he had such an enormous capacity for love and generosity. Magnus didn't understand how anybody could treat him so horribly. Anybody, he thought, should have been incredibly proud to have Alec as their son.

Maryse narrowed her eyes, and snapped something at Alec. He flinched again, and dropped his eyes to the ground, taking a tiny step back and jerking his head in a nod.

Magnus agreed with Isabelle. He'd had enough.

He slammed his glass down, loud enough to make his friends jump out of their skin, and yanked his arm out of Isabelle's agitated grip, before stalking through the crowd towards Maryse and Alec.

"Excuse me," he said, boldly, and rudely, as he approached, raising his voice so Maryse couldn't fail to hear him as he barged some bitchy man who'd been eyeing both him and Alexander - separately, as they'd barely talked tonight - with distaste that bordered on disgust all evening. "I'm so sorry, did I step on you? I do apologise." Magnus flashed the man a glittery smile, and dropped him a wink. The man choked. Good. He could choke to death on his own damn saliva, for all Magnus cared.

"I am sorry to interrupt," Magnus said with clear insincerity, practically ignoring Maryse as he marched up to Alec. "May I steal Alexander away, for a moment?"

He didn't wait for a response, latching onto Alec's forearm and tugging him away from his mother.

"No." Maryse's voice was as sharp as daggers, and furious. "No, you may not. Alexander, stay right there."

"Don't call me that," Alec muttered, but he extracted himself gently from Magnus' grip, and flashed him a tired smile. "It's alright, Magnus," he said, quietly. "Go."

Magnus hesitated.

"Please," Alec begged him. "Go. You shouldn't be involved in this."

"Neither should you," Magnus said, but, with one more foul look at Maryse, he stepped away. But only because Alec had asked him to, and he respected Alec's wishes, even if he wanted nothing more than to get him the fuck out of there.

"I cannot believe you're friends with him," Maryse spat, as Magnus began walking away.

Magnus froze.

"He's so distasteful. His behaviour disgraceful, Alexander, and I don't want you associating with someone like that. It's unbecoming to be seen with someone so lewd."

"Stop." Alec's words came through gritted teeth, and Magnus turned around to watch, because regardless of what Alec had asked of him, he couldn't leave in the middle of this conversation. "Don't talk about him like that. Magnus is a good person. He's just different. That doesn't mean he's lewd, or disgraceful. He's my friend, and he does not deserve that."

Maryse rolled her eyes. "God, what happened to you? This whim of yours is bad enough, and I truly hope you'll come to your senses and stop vying for attention in such unattractive ways. It's inappropriate. It's ludicrous."

"Mom—"

"Can you understand how mortifying it is for all these people to whisper about my son being gay?" she hissed. "I'm a laughing stock in the business world! This is not natural, Alec!"

"What's not natural," Magnus said, "is for a mother to be so adamantly awful to her adult son, whom she should be exceptionally proud of."

Maryse barred her teeth. "I told you to—"

"I don't care." Magnus lifted his chin, and folded his arms over his chest. "I don't care what you told me. Toss me out onto the street, make me leave the party, ban me from coming onto your property ever again. Alec does not deserve to listen to someone he loves spit such crap. I hope you're ashamed of yourself. Your son is a wonderful, incredible man. He's selfless, and he's doing such amazing things, and this is how you treat him? Calling him unnatural for who he loves?" Magnus shook his head. " _That_ is disgusting, Maryse Lightwood."

Maryse had gone sheet white; her voice shook when she said, "Get out of my house. Now."

Magnus tipped an imaginary hat at her, and bowed flamboyantly, shooting her the most sarcastic smile he could imagine. "Yes, ma'am."

***

Magnus was fairly sure he'd gone insane, as he walked along the pavement outside, heading towards the subway station to get back home. But god, he couldn't just stand there and listen to that shit pouring out of Maryse's mouth. Especially not when the torrent of bigoted hatred was all directed at Alec.

Fuck. It was freezing. Magnus chafed his hands up and down his arms, and hugged his midriff tighter. In the heat of the moment, high on adrenaline as he'd stormed out, on Maryse's orders, he'd forgotten to pick up his coat. His blazer was not thick enough to combat the frigid cold currently penetrating his clothing.

"Magnus!" he heard, faintly, in the distance behind him. He paused, and then, louder: "Magnus!"

Magnus turned, and saw Alec running up the pavement towards him. He was barely out of breath when he stopped, facing Magnus, and reached out to brush a strand of hair back from his forehead.

"Magnus," he said again, and then frowned, fingers lingering for a moment on Magnus' forehead. "God, you're freezing. Here."

Alec pulled off his scarf and hat, looped the former around Magnus' neck, and tugged the latter over his head, gently, mindful of Magnus' carefully-styled hair.

"You're generally supposed to wear coats, when it's midnight and the middle of winter," Alec said, softly, pulling Magnus into a hug that made Magnus' breath hitch in surprise. "So you don't catch hypothermia, you know?"

"I was too preoccupied by my dramatic exit," Magnus told him, burrowing into the warmth Alec offered, unable to feel any shame because he was freezing his ass off.

Alec rubbed at Magnus' back. "I didn't realise you'd left your coat, or I would have brought it with me."

"It's okay." Magnus hummed, still shivering lightly, and used his current situation as an excuse to stay incredibly close to Alec. "You're really, really warm."

"No, Magnus, I'm a normal, sane human temperature. You're just...a fucking icicle."

Magnus huffed out a laugh against Alec's shoulder. "What's a fucking icicle? That sounds intriguing."

"Oh my god," Alec groaned. "You're awful."

"In the old sense of inspiring worshipful wonder, yes," Magnus quipped.

Alec rolled his eyes, put didn't say anything for a moment. Then: "You didn't have to do that, you know. What you said to my mom. You should have walked away."

Magnus looked up at him, worried. "Was it too much?"

"No, it—" Alec chuckled. "It was great. Her face. But you still shouldn't have said it, because you should have just enjoyed the party."

"Well, I wasn't going to stand there and let her shit-talk you, was I?" Magnus hoped he looked as indignant as he felt. "Honestly, what do you think of me?"

Alec smiled. "I think you're pretty great," he said, "but I also think that was reckless, and walking out without your coat was dumb."

"Good thing you're a human radiator, then."

"I'm not—" Alec broke off, clearly deciding that arguing the point wasn't worth it. "Did you mean all of that? All of what you said?"

"Yes." Magnus blinked at him. "Why? Did I say something insane? Am I losing my mind?"

Alec didn't look amused. "All that bit about...being proud, and me being..."

"Incredible?" Magnus suggested. "Wonderful? Awe-inspiring? Yes, I meant all of that, too."

Alec's eyes flickered down, just for a split second; just long enough for Magnus' heart to pound, because god, was Alec staring at his lips? And did that mean Alec wanted to kiss him?

"You really think all of that?"

Magnus felt his own gaze dropping, and he stared at Alec's lips as he spoke, watching the way they curved and shifted to form words, brushing together to form consonants and pouting around vowels.

"Yeah." Magnus glanced back up, and found Alec gazing at him, eyes soft and shining in the moonlight. Alec's lips parted at his words. "I do. And so should everybody else."

"Magnus," Alec breathed, and leant down to kiss him.

Magnus' boots crunched in the snow as he leant into Alec's kiss, and his frozen fingers trailed up to Alec's hair, brushing against it as he tilted his head up a little. Alec's arms were around his waist, warm and firm, and—

" _Shit_."

Alec tore his lips away from Magnus' abruptly, eyes wide, and he lifted his fingers to touch his lips as he took several steps back. Magnus stared at him, both of them breathing heavily, as his scrambled thoughts attempted to assemble and catch up with Alec's sudden actions.

"Shit," Alec repeated. "I– I'm sorry, Magnus."

Magnus stared, astounded, and shook his head. "Alec, why on earth—"

"I didn't– I'm sorry, I didn't think, I just..."

Magnus took a half step forwards, and reached up to touch Alec's jaw. Alec flinched back. "Alexander, it's alright."

"No, I—" Alec sucked up in a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

And, with that, Alec spun on his heel, and began walking away from Magnus; Magnus stared after him, frozen - in every sense of the word - on the sidewalk, wondering what the fuck had just happened. Did Alec not want to kiss him? Had Magnus done something wrong, in between their lips touching and Alec pulling away?

Fireworks sounded, distantly, and he heard people cheering in the house he'd stopped outside.

"Well," Magnus muttered to himself, cold seeping through his jacket again as the warmth from Alec's embrace dissipated. "Happy fucking New Year."

***

4.

Magnus' Christmas the following year was...small.

Magnus wasn't quite sure why, exactly, the Lightwood parents weren't asking Isabelle to throw one of her extravagant, enjoyable Christmas parties, with plenty of booze, decent company if the assholes were avoided, and exquisite food. He had a feeling it had something to do with how fraught the relationship between parents and children were, at current.

(He didn't know the details of that, either. He didn't dare ask, after Alec - and Isabelle - had come over to one of their weekly study-dinners, looking like someone had stolen every bit of light from his life, and Magnus had inquired as to what on earth had happened, only to send Alec off into a foul, monosyllabic mood for the rest of the evening. Isabelle, too, had given him absolutely no clues.)

He spent Christmas Day with Ragnor, Catarina and Raphael, receiving the occasional update from Isabelle about how much she detested her parents, and how much she wanted to tip the gravy over her mother's head every time she sneered at Alec.

Magnus sympathised, and he wasn't even there.

As per usual, his friends all announced, at eleven o'clock, that they were far too drunk and far too tired to go home, so would crash in Magnus' apartment. He huffed, but, deep down, didn't mind in the slightest. He'd already pulled out an air mattress and found a couple of extra duvets for them to use.

His relationship with Alec over the last year had been...bizarre. After their disastrous kiss, Magnus had found out that Alec had a date, for the first time in years. A date who became a boyfriend, but who disappeared by the time summer arrived. Alec had refused to tell him about why they'd broken up, making some vague, bullshit comment about _wanting different things_.

Magnus, too, had attempted to find love, in an attempt to get over his clearly unrequited crush.

That hadn't worked out especially well, either.

This knowledge was only reaffirmed when, at half past midnight, his phone rang, as he lay sprawled out on his bed, and a grin spread across his face when he saw who the call was from.

"Alexander," Magnus said, quietly so as not to wake his sleeping friends. "How was Christmas dinner with your delightful parents?"

Alec snickered. "Well, they're apparently glad I ditched Raj, and they're hoping I see sense. They've entirely given up on Isabelle. They may as well disown her on the spot, for how much attention they pay to her."

Magnus frowned at the thought of his second-favourite Lightwood being ignored. He'd never heard either of Alec's parents lay into Isabelle they way they did Alec, even though she was openly and proudly dating a woman. He'd never really given it much thought, before.

"The potatoes were nice, though," Alec said. "And I drunk most of their wine and half a bottle of tequila today. I think I'm drunk."

"Where are you?" Magnus asked, concern shooting through him, because nobody who was drunk and upset and angry should be anywhere alone.

"Like, outside your apartment," Alec said, and Magnus shot up into a sitting position. _What_? "I missed you today, and I was really stupid last year, and that Imansu guy you dated was a complete asshole, and I'm so sick of living for other people, Mags."

"Would you like to come up?"

Ten minutes later, Magnus had Alec sat down on his bed, drinking a large glass of water in an attempt to combat his inevitable hangover. Alec was scowling, but his expression softened every time he looked at Magnus, and this frustratingly gorgeous man just kept fucking with Magnus' feelings.

"You need to sleep," Magnus said, "because we're not going to have a sensible conversation when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk. I'm tipsy."

"You drank god-knows how much wine, and half a bottle of tequila. You're drunk, Alexander."

"Mmm." Alec stared up at him, and smiled. "I like it when you call me that. It's like reclaiming my own name. Someone I like calling me that instead of my parents."

Magnus sighed, and sat down beside Alec. "Are you trying to drunkenly hit on me? Because I swear—"

Alec threw his hands up, nearly smacking Magnus in the face. "I've been trying to hit on you since I met you."

Magnus gaped at him. Alec...what? When had Alec ever hit on him? Alec had always seemed...fairly indifferent, in a romantic way, to Magnus. Sure, there'd always been the occasional blushing, when Magnus was being shamelessly flirty, but he'd stopped doing that after their failed kiss. Why would Alec have abandoned him in the middle of a freezing street on New Year's Eve if he liked him? Why would he have acted like that kiss had been the biggest mistake of his life?

"You have?"

Alec gave him the sort of look that suggested he was being exceptionally stupid. "I'm gay, and have you seen yourself? Come on. Look at yourself in those fucking jeans."

"Then why did you run? Last year, why did you kiss me and then—?"

"Because you don't like me! I was embarrassed!" Alec rolled his eyes, so hard Magnus was concerned he'd get dizzy in his drunken state. "If you liked me, you'd have said something in the three fucking years I've known you. And when you said it was alright, you were just being nice, and I couldn't stand there while you broke my heart and tried to let me down gently. Fucking hell, Magnus, you must get that."

Oh, god. Magnus was so stupid. So, so stupid.

"Alec." Magnus touched the back of his hand gently, and sent up a prayer to every god he could think of and didn't believe in that Alec would remember this in the morning. "Alexander."

Alec groaned, closed his eyes, and dropped his head forwards, with far more drama than Magnus had ever seen sober-Alec do anything.

"That's so unfair," Alec mumbled. "Stop fucking with me, Bane." He looked up, and the heat and ferocity in his glare made Magnus' thoughts scatter. "Stop flirting with me. Stop playing with me. Stop being such an asshole."

"Alexander," Magnus said again, more firmly this time. "Don't be dense. I kissed you back. I danced with at Christmas, and I got myself thrown out of a kick-ass party because your mother was being a bitch. I missed you so much when you were deployed that it physically hurt, and I was constantly terrified for you. I threw myself at you when you came home. I've never been more jealous in my life than I was when Jace and Isabelle told me you were dating someone."

Alec was staring at him, his expression of pure rage slipping as Magnus spoke, to be replaced with astonishment. His hand went limp beneath Magnus' fingers, and his jaw slackened.

"Of course I like you," Magnus whispered. He brushed a hand through Alec's hair, still damp from where he'd, presumably, walked through the snow falling lightly outside to get to Magnus' apartment. "And I don't flirt with you for the hell of it. I flirt with you because I want you to notice me."

"I've always noticed you."

Magnus smiled, and leant in to press a soft, fleeting kiss to Alec's lips; Alec made a grumpy noise of protest when Magnus pulled back.

"No," Magnus said, gently. "Not when you're drunk."

"I'm not that drunk," Alec mumbled, shooting Magnus the kind of pout that told him that yes, actually, Alec was completely hammered. Alec would never make that expression sober.

"I don't care," Magnus said, rather than voicing his conclusions aloud. "I don't want you to regret anything in the morning because you're not thinking straight now."

"Not thinking straight." Alec giggled. "I never think straight. Cuz I'm gay. Geddit?"

Despite himself, Magnus smiled, and kissed Alec's forehead, chest constricting, because Alec liked him. His hopeless, long-standing crush on this gorgeous man wasn't one-sided. Alec liked him. And, in the morning, maybe, he could kiss him, and touch him, and cuddle with him.

Was it too early to tell Alec that he was pretty sure he was in love with him? It was probably much too soon.

"Get into bed," Magnus said, "and go to sleep. No throwing up on my sheets, okay? The bathroom is there." He pointed to his en suite. "And stay on your own side of the bed."

Alec frowned, looking adorably bewildered, as Magnus untied the sash on his kimono, climbed into bed in a tank top and boxers, and yanked the thick winter duvet up over himself.

"Alec, I'm not letting you walk around when you're in this state, so either get into bed, or go outside and beg Catarina and Ragnor to let you squeeze onto the air mattress. Or Raphael is on the sofa, if you'd prefer the suicidal option."

Alec's brow furrowed, and then he kicked off his jeans, and attempted to tug off his sweater, only to get tangled in the sleeves. Magnus laughed softly, and reached up to help him out of it.

"Thanks," Alec whispered, as the both of them lay back down.

"You're welcome," Magnus told him. "Now shut up and go to sleep. And if you've forgotten all of this in the morning because you're too drunk, I am going to kill you."

***

Someone groaned beside him, and Magnus' eyes flew open in alarm, because he was fairly sure he didn't usually sleep with anybody in his bed, what the fuck.

And then he saw dark hair in utter disarray, and a discarded sweater with a multitude of holes in it, and he relaxed, last night flooding back to him. It was Alec.

"M-Magnus?" Alec rubbed at his eyes, and blinked at Magnus. His eyes lingered on Magnus' exposed arms. "What— Oh, god, please tell me I dreamt last night."

Magnus chuckled. "No, darling. You didn't. Which I'm very glad about."

Alec moaned, and buried his face in the pillow. "I hate hangovers."

"If you stay there, I'll—"

"Magnus!" Raphael's voice sounded, accompanied by a sharp knock on his bedroom door. "It's ten o'clock in the morning. Who are you talking to? You can't be that drunk yet."

Magnus' eyes widened, because he'd almost forgotten that his friends were all asleep in his living room. He'd have been sleeping on the floor with them, too, had Alec not appeared last night, drunk out of his mind. Alec looked panicked, sat up ramrod straight, staring at the closed door in sheer horror, as though it was about to implode.

"Fuck off, Santiago," Magnus called back. "Make some coffee!"

" _Dios_ , you're so rude."

"He always is before midday," came Ragnor's voice. "You must have worked that out by now."

Raphael muttered something, and then footsteps faded as he walked away from Magnus' bedroom.

"Shit," Alec muttered. He was scrolling through his phone, brow furrowed. "I meant to text Isabelle when I got home."

"I hate to point this out," Magnus said, "but, technically, you haven't broken your promise, as you're not home. You're in my home."

"I'm sorry," Alec said, looking up at him, painful in his sincerity. "Last night, I'm so sorry. I just turned up, and I acted like an asshole, and—"

"Shh." Magnus lifted a finger, hovering it over Alec's lips. "It's okay. Especially if you meant it."

Alec flushed. "Of course I did."

So Magnus kissed him, warm and sweet and unending, lips folding together as tentative hands brushed skin and hair. Alec sighed against him, and finally, finally, it felt like it really was a merry Christmas.

If Magnus' friends spent the next several days taking the absolute piss out of Magnus, once he eventually emerged from his bedroom with Alec, grinning like a fucking idiot, he didn't care. For once, he didn't care at all.

***

3.

"Happy New Year, Magnus," Alec whispered, as the ball dropped in Times Square and everyone assembled around them in Magnus' apartment cheered, clinking glasses, Isabelle and Lydia taking the opportunity to kiss like they meant it while Raphael and Ragnor pretended to be sick, like the mature adults they were.

Magnus smiled, and ran the backs of his fingers down Alec's cheek. It was so easy. Such a simple transition, from friends to dating. It was so obvious. It had been days, and yet this, here, with Alec, felt so natural.

"Happy New Year, Alexander," he said, and kissed him.

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' neck, melting against him, kissing him softly, until they were both grinning too much to kiss, teeth clicking and laughter bubbling up their throats.

"I love you," Alec said, against Magnus' lips.

Magnus' heart stuttered, and Alec jerked back, eyes wide, an apology clearly on his lips; Magnus drew him back in, and mumbled, "I love you too, you adorable idiot."

***

2.

_"I love you, baby."_

_"I love you too, Alexander. I miss you."_

_"I know. I'll be home soon, I promise. Two more months, and I'll be back."_

_"You're meant to say that you miss me too."_

_"Of course I miss you. Do I even need to say it?"_

_"It's nice to hear."_

_"I miss you. So much. I miss being with you, I miss kissing you. I even miss fighting with you."_

_"Will you be able to call me? At Christmas?"_

_"I don't know, Mags. I'll try."_

_"Alright. I'll see you soon, darling."_

_"Not soon enough. Tell my siblings I love them."_

_"Of course."_

_"Look after yourself, okay? Remember to eat. And sleep. And don't sit around sulking at Christmas just because I'm not there. Have fun."_

_"Why did you have to be deployed now? All I can do is worry about you."_

_"Magnus."_

_"What? Tell me you wouldn't worry about me, if I were sent to fight in Afghanistan. Tell me you wouldn't be terrified of me getting hurt. Or dying."_

_"I have to go, babe. I love you."_

_"Merry Christmas, sweetheart."_

***

Magnus awoke alone on Christmas morning.

Well. Alone save for the small kitten he'd adopted, in Alec's recent absence, to stop himself being excruciatingly lonely. Work and partying could only distract him for so long. Especially when he felt guilty going to parties and getting drunk while his boyfriend was out fighting in a war.

He sighed, and checked his phone, in case Alec had sent him anything, or tried to call him. Nothing. Of course there was nothing. He hadn't so much as put his phone on silent for the last six weeks, in case he missed a call.

Chairman Meow - so named because Magnus had been slightly tipsy when he'd found him, wet and bedraggled outside his office when he'd been heading home two weeks ago - made a plaintive meowing noise, and pawed at Magnus' chest.

"Alright, alright." Magnus rubbed at his face - god, he needed a shave - and stroked Chairman's tiny little head. "Quit climbing on me. I'll feed you, just stop– Oh, for goodness' sake." He glared at the kitten, who was now standing on his chest, gazing up at him with wide eyes, looking so adorable Magnus had to look away. "That's not fair."

Fifteen minutes later, Magnus was slumped over his breakfast, while Chairman Meow licked crumbs from his practically empty bowl. He was due over at Isabelle and Lydia's apartment in an hour. They'd moved in with each other earlier in the year, much to Maryse and Robert's bitter disappointment, and had decided that Christmas, really, was much better with just them and their friends, without their parents' bigotry and pretentiousness.

Magnus had a huge bag of presents sitting by his front door, which he'd moved from under his Christmas tree last night. Only Alec's remained. And he'd have to wait until February to give it to him. He couldn't summon the enthusiasm for Christmas this year, without his boyfriend. It would have been the first Christmas they'd spent together, as boyfriends.

"I miss him, Chairman," Magnus mumbled. The kitten looked up, meowed, and leapt into Magnus' lap, curling up on his thighs. "I miss him so much."

***

A hand rested on Magnus' arm, hours later. He was standing on Isabelle's balcony, a glass of whiskey in his hand, staring out across the city as he thought about Alec.

"Aren't you cold?" Jace asked, coming to stand beside him, leaning against the railing. Jace had a leather jacket on, over a thick sweater, and a scarf wrapped around his neck. It was the kind of thing Alec might wear, although the jacket looked less than three years old and the sweater didn't have any holes in it, and Magnus had to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat.

"You sound like Alec," Magnus said, because he did. "I'm fine, Jace."

"You're not fine." Jace was quiet for a moment, and then he slipped a jacket around Magnus' shoulders. It wasn't Jace's, because it was too big to be Jace's, and Magnus realised, with a painful pang, that it was Alec's. "Alec asked me to look after you, you know. Even though he knows you're more than capable of looking after yourself. He worries. He won't forgive me if you get hypothermia on my watch."

Magnus huffed out a laugh, and burrowed into the jacket a little. "I think he will."

"He loves you too much to forgive me," Jace said, and while Magnus thought it was probably supposed to be a joke, it fell sadly flat.

"What if something happens to him, Jace?" Magnus whispered. "What if he gets hurt?"

"Alec is strong. He'll be fine."

"He's in Afghanistan. He's in the middle of a war. Anything could happen."

"He's going to be fine, Magnus," Jace said, firmly. "He's going to be fine, and he's going to come home to us, and he's going to come back to you and you'll both go back to being absolutely revolting together."

Magnus cracked a smile, because he was fairly sure that if he didn't smile, he'd cry. "I always thought reservists weren't deployed very often."

Jace sighed. "They're not. But Alec's so diligent, he's always good at things he puts his mind to, so he got promoted a lot, and fast. And now he's finished his medical training—"

"They need doctors," Magnus said, nodding. "I know. And they need tacticians, and they need people who won't make mistakes, and who'll think things through, and that's exactly what Alec is good at."

Jace pulled Magnus into a hug, arm tight against his back, and Magnus hugged him back. Jace understood. Jace, and Isabelle, and those who loved Alec as much as Magnus did—they all understood how much it hurt.

 _I miss you, Alexander_ , Magnus thought, as he closed his eyes, and he and Jace both pretended they didn't realise that the other was crying. His breath hitched, and he could hear Jace struggling to draw in air.

 _We need you. Your family need you. I need you_.

***

Magnus was drunk from Christmas to New Year. He barely remembered anything. He certainly didn't remember New Year's itself, because he was flitting between unconscious and conscious, sprawled on his bathroom floor, vomiting into the toilet every time he awoke from his stupor.

Oh, god. Alexander would never have let him get into this state. He'd have dragged him home, taken away the bottle, made him drink lots of water and helped him into bed with some angry little comment that was betrayed by the concerned way he pushed Magnus' hair back off his face.

Magnus was fairly sure he was crying. He was also fairly sure he still had make-up on, and that his bathroom - his whole damn apartment - stank of alcohol and his own vomit. It was disgusting. What the fuck had happened to him? How had he managed to get himself in such a fucking state?

Alec would be ashamed.

He wanted someone to come through the door. He wanted someone to help him out of this mess. He wanted Alec, desperately, but he just needed someone. Someone who cared about him. Someone who would hand his ass to him, and then tell him to grow the fuck up and stop turning to the bottle every time things got too hard to face.

But nobody was going to come.

So Magnus dry-heaved into the toilet one more time, then stood up, flushed the toilet, and gripped the edge of the sink. He washed off his ruined make-up, and scrubbed himself raw in the shower, and opened every damn window in his apartment.

He pulled himself together. He tipped all of the vodka in his apartment down the sink, and put away the whiskey, and opened a bottle of lemonade. He was not going to lose himself. Alec would be home in five weeks, and he'd be horrified if he found Magnus throwing up in their bathroom.

No. He was going to get through this.

***

Magnus' heart lurched when he saw Alec step out of the arrivals area in the airport, appearing round a corner with his bag slung over his shoulder, in uniform, stubble covering his jawline.

He was on crutches. He was injured. His Alexander was _hurt_ , and nobody had told him.

"Alec," he whispered, to himself. He dropped to sign he'd been holding with Alec's name on it - it was supposed to be a joke, but it seemed ridiculous, now - and he ran.

Alec's eyes snapped to his as Magnus stopped himself right in front of him, just controlling himself before he barrelled into Alec and did any more damage.

"Magnus—"

"Alec—"

Alec dropped his crutches and flung himself at his boyfriend; Magnus wrapped his arms tight around Alec's waist. Magnus could feel the tears stinging in his eyes as he lifted Alec up and kissed him, crying and laughing and clutching at him, because god, it had been so hard.

"Hey," Alec whispered, once Magnus had set him back on his feet. He was smiling, and wet tracks glistened on his cheeks, but Alec was the one who reached up and brushed Magnus' tears away with his thumb, tenderly, clearly trying not to smudge Magnus' make-up. "I'm home."

"You're home," Magnus repeated, and his voice cracked. "Oh, Alec, you're home. You have no idea– I missed you so much. Everybody's missed you."

Alec kissed him again, and then kissed his cheeks, and his forehead. "I missed you, too. All of you. I love you, Magnus."

"I love you too." Magnus' next inhale sounded more like a sob, and Alec's hand lifted to cup his face. "What happened to you? Are you okay? Why didn't anybody tell me you're hurt?"

"I'm fine," Alec whispered, and kissed Magnus again. "I'm fine, baby. We got shot at when we were carrying out a supply run. I got a bullet in my calf, but it's okay. It was a flesh wound, and it was shallow. I looked at the scans myself. And it was only a few days ago, that's why nobody told you. I didn't want you to worry."

Magnus felt horror spread across his face as Alec spoke. "Alec—"

"Magnus." Alec cupped his face between both hands, gazing at him with an urgency that took Magnus' breath away. "I'm fine. I promise. Now, _please_ , take me home."

Blinking tears out of his eyes, Magnus nodded. He released Alec, bent down to pick up his crutches for him, and then shouldered Alec's bag, ignoring his boyfriend's protests. He grabbed his hand, and smiled.

"Home," he said.

Alec nodded, and squeezed his hand. "Home."

***

1.

_"I'll be home for New Year's, Magnus, I promise. It's only a six week deployment, it's not like last time."_

_"That still means you'll miss Christmas. Again."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"No, no, it's okay. It's okay."_

_It wasn't._

***

Magnus had fallen into bed on Christmas Eve just slightly less depressed than he had been last year. Because at least this year, even if it wasn't for a few days, Alec would be home soon. And he wasn't in the middle of Afghanistan, this year, he was back in Japan. Which was better. It was safer.

Magnus stilled missed him, painfully.

He was jerked out of deep slumber in the middle of the night. He sat up in bed, duvet pooling around his hips, when he heard footsteps in the hallway outside, and turned his head to see that Chairman Meow was also awake, and staring at the door with wide eyes.

 _Shit_. Somebody was in his apartment. Who the fuck was in his apartment? He wasn't exactly rich, even if he did have high hopes for his career. He'd only graduated a couple of years ago. What did he have worth stealing? His TV? His phone? Why the fuck hadn't his alarm gone off? Had he forgotten to set it.

Chairman Meow meowed softly, and Magnus cursed his cat silently, reaching for his phone. His hands were steady, even as his heart pounded wildly.

The Chairman jumped up suddenly, and darted out of the room, through the tiny little crack between the door and the frame.

"Chairman," Magnus hissed. "Fuck."

There was the sound of near-silent laughter outside, and the Chairman meowed again. Magnus stiffened. What the fuck was going on?

His bedroom door was pushed open, and Magnus froze as a figure loomed in the half-open doorway, pausing. Palms sweaty and heart hammering a staccato rhythm against his ribs, Magnus tried to open his mouth to demand who the fuck this asshole was, and what the fuck he was doing in Magnus' apartment, but he couldn't make his muscles work.

"Magnus," the figure whispered. "I'm home, baby."

Magnus' hands tightened into fists around the bedsheets, and his heart pounded so fast Magnus could barely breathe. " _Alec_? What—" He lurched across to turn his bedside lamp on. Light flooded the room, revealing Alec in the doorway, dressed in uniform, cap on, a smile on his face. He appeared entirely safe and healthy, save for a healing split lip.

"Alexander," Magnus breathed. "What are you doing here? How are you home? I don't understand."

"I got sent home early," Alec said, coming into the room. He seated himself on the bed, and reached for Magnus' hand, which he gripped tightly. "We all did. And it's over now. That's my last deployment. My contract was eight years. This is my last year."

"You're home for good?" Magnus asked, sitting up further. He lifted his hand to Alec's face, and ran his thumb over the healing cut on Alec's lip. "For Christmas and the New Year?"

"For forever," Alec said, and covered Magnus' hand with his own. "Merry Christmas, Magnus."

"I love you," Magnus whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Magnus shifted so he was straddling Alec's thighs; he lifted Alec's cap off his head, and ran his fingers through his hair, revelling in the feeling of Alec against him, beneath him, warm and vital. "What time is it?"

"Two o'clock." Alec leant into Magnus' touch. "I was supposed to be home before midnight, but our flight was cancelled."

"It's okay." Magnus pulled Alec into a hug, and rested his chin on his shoulder. "Did you tell Isabelle and Jace you were coming home early?"

"Yeah." Alec kissed Magnus' temple, lingering in his touch. "I wanted to surprise you."

"I thought someone was breaking in," Magnus confessed, and Alec laughed. He'd missed that laugh.

"I'm gonna kiss you now," Alec murmured.

"Please do, Captain Lightwood."

Alec smiled against his hair, and then pulled back. "You were calling me Doctor Lightwood, when I left."

Magnus grinned. "Well, you're just so accomplished. A doctor, a military captain, my gorgeous boyfriend..."

"The last one is most important," Alec whispered, and then kissed him, and Magnus could do nothing but hold on.

***

0.

Christmas, the following day, was wonderful.

When they arrived at Isabelle's place, Alec hugged both of his siblings, and they all clurched at each other tightly. He kissed Isabelle's forehead, and he got a smack when he ruffled Jace's hair, and everyone cheered when he walked into the living room.

The Lightwoods Skyped their parents after Christmas lunch, which, thankfully, Clary and Jace had cooked, not Isabelle. Maryse and Robert wished them all a Merry Christmas, and asked after Magnus (hesitantly, but Magnus would give them Brownie points for trying) and managed to get through a whole conversation with Alec without one rude remark.

When they'd unwrapped their presents, and Jace was arguing with Lydia about the answer to a question in a Star Wars trivia game, Magnus stood up, and followed Alec into the kitchen, where he'd disappeared to get more chips.

Magnus slipped his arms around Alec's waist, and rested his nose against the nape of his neck, and inhaled.

"Hey," Alec said, a smile in his voice as he tipped chips from an enormous packet into a bowl.

"I love you," Magnus said, because he did, and after so long, after so many weeks of anxiety and terror at Alec being deployed, and after what had happened last time he'd been deployed (the evidence of Alec having been shot was still visible, in a little butterfly scar on his leg) Magnus couldn't hold Alec tight enough.

Alec turned in his arms, and pressed a kiss to his nose. "I love you too."

"Promise me you won't leave me again."

With a soft laugh, Alec said, "I can't promise you that, Magnus. You know I can't. But my contract ends in a few months, and the chance of me being called out again is tiny."

Magnus pouted. "So why can't you promise me?"

"Well." Alec leant back against the counter, and drew Magnus against him. He was smiling, and it took every inch of Magnus' restraint not to ignore this conversation and kiss him. "Firstly, you might turn into a murderous criminal and slaughter my family, and I'll have to break up with you."

Magnus gasped. "Alexander! I love teasing Jace far too much to murder him! And what would I do without the entertainment wrought from riling up your parents at every opportunity?"

Alec sighed, fondly amused. "That would be the reason."

"And why else can't you promise me?"

"Because," Alec said, the fun and jesting evaporating between them, "one day, something might happen in the world, and I might need to become Captain Lightwood again for a while so I can do my bit to protect my family."

Magnus groaned, and pressed his face into Alec's shoulder, chest tightening at the sentiment, because god, it was so Alec, and it was so honest, and it was honourable and beautiful and it was why Magnus loved him.

"Why do you have to be so noble and perfect?" Magnus mumbled. "Why can't you be normal and say that if Trump starts a nuclear war with China, you'll hide in a bunker with a decade supply of ice cream and condoms and live like a hermit with me?"

"Because the condoms would be fairly pointless without lube?" Alec raised an eyebrow at him.

Magnus glared. "I fucking hate you, sometimes."

"You didn't say that this morning."

"Oh, shush," Magnus said, and kissed him, hand on his jaw, stretching up to kiss him deeper, hands warm on each other and fingers tight, because the world was dark, and cruel, and really, the only thing to do was hold onto what he loved, and love with all he had.

It was Christmas, and Alexander was home, and whole, and safe.

Frankly, it was the greatest Christmas miracle Magnus could have imagined.

**Author's Note:**

> This...went in a really odd direction. It wasn't supposed to be like that, but I'm fairly pleased with it, although I'm not sure about the ending. 
> 
> And, yes, the George Michael references were deliberate. RIP.
> 
> Happy New Year, to all of you!


End file.
